Of Friends or Country?
by coldfiredragon
Summary: When a new conflict arises Irvine is forced to make the most difficult decision of his life: To return to his home in Galbadia or remain with his childhood friends
1. darkest day

**Complete Summary: When a new conflict arises the wave of anti-Galbadian sentiment that is created forces Irvine to make the most difficult decision of his life: To return to his home in Galbadia or remain with his childhood friends in Balamb Garden. The decision he makes could change the course of nations.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Final Fantasy VIII. I will make no money from the posting of this fic. **

**A word to ALL readers. This story was influenced the Skandranon's freaking amazing story entitled "Galbies". I e-mailed Skandranon and specifically asked permission to post a story with a similar premise and was granted the ability to do so. Certain things will be similar in our stories but I am making a concentrated effort to make my story different from "Galbies". I desperately want to see "Galbies" continued regardless of the path that my story takes. **

**With this fact brought to life please refrain from reporting my story as a copycat story or an abuse of my priveledges as a writer on plot theme of anti-Galbadian sentiment is a theme, it is not something that a single author can claim as their own.**

**NOW on to more important things like REVIEWS! **

**I love, love, love REVIEWS! Please review, tell me if you think that my characters are totally off point or right on target, let me know what you think about what direction the story should take. The plot is already largely written but I still like reader feedback. Don't refrain from being negative if you can do so nicely. All flames will be laughed away. I do like positive criticism though so feel free to give it. There will be some writing errors. I do not have a beta.**

**Okay, I've officially talked your ears off so enjoy the first chapter.**

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I turn to lock the door behind me as I enter my room. There was a time that I would never do that but that was before the situation went downhill between Balamb Garden and the Galbadian Government. I feel like a traitor on both sides and I know I'm going to have to make a choice soon. 

With a sigh I flip off the lights and throw myself onto my bed. The scent of shampoo, cologne, and gunpowder assaults my nose as I bury my face in my pillow. The year following our defeat of Ultimecia was one of the best years of my life. I had my childhood friends back and because I had been part of the group that helped end the war I gained a sort of celebrity status among my fellow students. The fact that I hadn't even graduated furthered my popularity. I guess people just wanted to be close to me because I was close to the real celebrities of the Garden.

Everyone of them wanted to be closer to their commander and his close knit group of friends and since they considered me one of that group than any time spent with me was well spent.

The only major military offensive since the final battle of the war had been to liberate Timber. Apparently Squall saw his contract with Rinoa to be still binding and it had to be fulfilled so the whole of Garden's SeeD forces had been mobilized to free the small country. I had stayed out of that conflict due to the simple fact that I was not a SeeD. I hadn't passed the graduation tests yet and I still haven't. I'm due to in less than a month's time but that is only if they don't kick me out of here first. Things had been pretty quiet since then, until just over a month ago when Galbadia retook Timber and extended its control into Fisherman's Horizon.

Since than my life has slowly gone from great to fair to treading on thin ice. The students know that I'm a Galbadian. They can hear the thick accent in my voice that comes from spending twelve years of my life being raised in Galbadia. My skills also set me apart. Balamb Garden doesn't train sharpshooters. They don't have the capacity or instructors to train students in the techniques and if such a student did arise within their ranks that student would have been sent to Galbadia Garden.

My torment started with quiet whispers among the students when they thought I was out of hearing range. What they failed to realize is that along with incredible eyesight I also have incredible hearing. The whispers spread like wildfire and soon the soft whispers escalated into soft laughter that they knew I could hear. It hurts deeply to see people I had considered friends suddenly turn on me.

Even Squall and the others have distanced me slightly although not to the extent that the rest of the students have. I think that Rinoa has something to do with that. I don't think that she ever really liked me to begin with and the sudden reoccupation of Timber got her pretty upset. An upset Rinoa leads to an upset Squall since he had proposed to Rinoa a couple of months before the Galbadian reoccupation of Timber.

The girl has way too much power for her own good and I think her attitude towards me influenced Squall who in turn influenced the others in our little orphanage group. I had begun to think that our common ties meant something to them but my belief in that scenario is rapidly proving false as anti-Galbadian sentiments continue to rise within the Garden.

The only one of the group who still seems to be on good terms with me is Selphie. Hyne bless her heart that girl can be nice to anyone no matter what the situation and I love her for it. She still hangs out with me despite the looks that the other students give her and I feel terrible for that.

Selphie has been one of the best friends I have ever had. I loved her when we were in the orphanage together and I love her even more now.

"Hyne protect her." I beg softly. If anything happened to Selphie because of her friendship with me I will never forgive myself. She's the one ray of sunshine in my life and I don't want to bring her down when I go down.

I know I'll go down before much longer. I'm a solitary individual. I have been since I was placed in Galbadia garden at the age of six. I didn't want to make real friends because I was afraid that I would lose everyone I cared about or they would leave me.

Now it seems that my nightmares are becoming reality. The people I opened myself up to and became friends with are slowly turning their backs on me and it hurts worse now than when I was six and had no idea what I had done to be abandoned by Matron. I didn't understand why the person I considered a mother had sent me away. There was more than one night that I had cried myself to sleep as I obsessed over the possible things I could have done to anger Matron to such an extent that she no longer wanted to be near me.

I know why she did so now but that knowledge doesn't make it any easier. Memories of that day in Deling City still haunt me. I remember looking down the sight of my rifle and realizing that the sorceress was Matron. I'm sure that my heart had stopped beating for a few seconds as I knelt there. I had been ready to shoot her and I had no reservations about killing her until I got a good look at her face. Before seeing her I knew where my loyalties had been, it was my job to stop her from destroying Galbadia and I was more than happy to do so if it protected my home. However, seeing her again, combined with the realization that my friends no longer remembered me tore me apart.

Never before in my life had I felt so utterly alone and friendless and I suddenly realized that I couldn't take the shot. To cover my emotions I had made up some lame excuse to Squall about always choking when I was put under pressure. That was never the truth. I had killed people before and I didn't have the title of Galbadia Garden's elite sharpshooter for nothing. Squall bought it though and he convinced me to take the shot, even if it was just a signal to start the direct attack.

In the end I did it for him and I did it for Selphie. If I managed to kill her than they wouldn't have to fight her and the blood of our mother would be on my hands alone. She blocked the shot though and for that I've been eternally grateful. I think I even thanked Hyne when I saw her block the shot. I didn't really want to kill her because I knew that somewhere under her cold exterior she remembered each of us and what she had meant to us.

Suddenly I realize that I have been crying and it shocks me. Have things here really gotten that bad? I haven't cried since I was a little boy and I had come to the terms that I was on my own. Destiny had dealt me my hand and I would be forced to play it for all it was worth. To do that I had created the Irvine Kinneas that everyone at Galbadia knew and loved. I became the hotshot cowboy with the devil-may-care attitude and friendly demeanor. It was slowly killing me to do so but it was better to pretend to have friends than to be completely alone.

The only time I allowed myself to vent was when I was training with my rifle. When it was just me and my gun waiting for my target I would always tell myself that if I concentrated all my loneliness and pain into the bullet than I would be all right and thank Hyne it worked. That drive to rid myself of my negative emotions made me the elite sharpshooter that I am.

Now shooting doesn't even bring me the release that it once did. I've spent hours within the Balamb training center trying to find my focus but I just can't do it because I know that as soon as I exit the training center the whispers will start again.

I can handle whispers and rumors though. I can even stand the occasional talk about the evils of the Galbadian people and government. What I can't stand is the fact that things have slowly been getting more and more physical between myself and the other students and the instructors are doing nothing to prevent it. The physical abuse started with minor things such as people bumping into me in the hallways or elbowing me roughly between the push to get from one class to another.

The worst incident happened earlier this afternoon when some jerk knocked me down as I was making my way to the Quad. Luckily I was only a few steps above one of the landings so the fall was short and I escaped relatively unharmed. I'm currently very sore and I have two nice bruises to show for it. One of them is on my lower back which I got when I landed on the steps and the other is on my jaw from where I hit the banister in an attempt to catch myself.

Slowly I run my hand along the edge of my jaw to wipe my tears away but even such a gentle motion sends shock waves of pain through my body and leaves me dizzy. I really should get it checked in the infirmary but I've been in worse shape so I'm not too worried. I know that I'll have a beautiful bruise though.

A soft knock sounds at my door and I consider pretending that I'm not there. The room is dark so hopefully whoever it is will just leave me in peace. I have no such luck however as the person knocks again and I hear Selphie's quiet voice calling my name.

I curse under my breathe and push my aching body into a sitting position. The room spins slightly as I stand and I have to grip my bed's headboard for a second to keep from falling back down. I must have hit my head harder than I thought. Selphie calls me again and I wipe the remaining tears from my face in an effort to hide the fact that I've been crying. I doubt it works but hopefully Selphie won't notice do to the darkness of my room.

With a sigh I open the door and blink against the brighter lights of the hallway. Selphie is standing there with a smile on her face but when she sees my jaw her smile immediately drops away and is replaced by a look of concern.

"Irvine?" Her voice is a question loaded with concern and she reaches up to touch the bruise on my jaw. I take a step back to avoid her touch and refuse to look at her.

"What happened?" She expects me to answer but there is no way I'm telling her the whole truth.

"I fell down a couple stairs and hit my jaw. It will be fine it is just pretty tender." I hate lying to her but I don't want to reveal that one of her fellow students dislikes me enough to actually risk severely injuring me. Concern for me immediately clouds her face and I feel even more guilty for holding part of the truth from her.

"Did you go to Dr. Kadowaki?" I shake my head and the brief motion causes Selphie and the hallway to spin slightly. Selphie immediately knows that something is amiss and before I can stop her she is steadying me against her short frame.

"I'm taking you to the infirmary." Immediately I shake my head and this time manage to fight the wave of vertigo that threatens me. I can't let her be seen with me. People will start taking their anger towards me out on her and I will not risk her getting hurt.

"You shouldn't be around me Selphie." I immediately regret the words as they leave my mouth and Selphie gaps at me in confusion and obvious hurt so I quickly try to amend my statement. "I'm Galbadian remember? People here don't like me and I don't want you to get hurt because of me." A look of sadness enters her eyes and I expect her to leave. Much to my surprise she pushes past me into my room and pulls gently pulls me toward the bed so she can shut the door.

Once I'm seated she flips on the light and I blink against the sudden brightness. I can feel her small cool hand as she cups my chin and gently turns my jaw so she can get a better look at it. I tell by the look on her face that the bruise must look really bad.

"Selphie I'm okay. I promise."

"Don't lie to me Irvine." Her voice holds an edge of anger that I'm not used to hearing and I suddenly feel like I'm four again and being reprimanded by Matron at the orphanage. Selphie removes her hand from my cheek and suddenly a bright flash of light surrounds me. The magical pulse from Selphie's cura spell leaves me momentarily blind and deaf and the rooms spins violently before slowly righting itself. Much to my relief the pain of my jaw and the pounding ache of my head have lessened considerably but I'll still have a nasty bruise in the morning. I look up to see Selphie watching me with concern.

"Thanks." My voice comes out as little more than a whisper but some of the worry eases from her face and she moves closer to me.

"Are you okay now?" I nod and thank Hyne that the room is no longer spinning.

"Yeah." We sit in uncomfortable silence before I speak.

"Look... I'm sorry I lied to you. I just didn't want you to worry." She nods but remains slightly distant before she speaks.

"What did you mean when you said I should stay away from you?" I lean forward and cup my face in my hands before speaking.

"I meant exactly what I said. With the war in Timber I'm not well liked around here and I don't want anyone to hurt you thinking they can get to me." I know I'm being blunt but she needs to hear this. She needs to know that she could be in danger for being my friend. I glance over at her to see that she is silently fuming and about to burst.

"Irvine Kinneas I don't care what other people think of me. I can take care of myself." She falls silent for a few seconds before continuing in a quieter tone, one I can barely hear. "I care about you. I'm worried about you. You've been so distant lately and it scares me."

I stretch out on my bed and turn away from her before speaking.

"It scares me too." I'm more than a little surprised when she stretches out against my back and wraps her narrow arms around my slim waist. "Selphie don't..." Before I can continue she stops me.

"I told you I cared about you so don't tell me to go. Please Irvine, let me stay close to you, at least for a little while?" Her voice is pleading and as much as I want to force her to get up and leave I just can't. Her offer of continued friendship is obvious and I need that now like a fish needs water to survive so I let her stay and allow myself to relax for the brief time that she is offering me.

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**That is all for the first chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed it and wants to read more, and there will be more I promise. I need to get this plot bunny out of my head so I can concentrate on school work. **

**Please review and let me know what you think. **

**My thanks goes out to Skandranon for inspiring me and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it out.**


	2. blackest night

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of FFVIII. I will make no profit from the posting of this piece of fiction.**

**Notes: Thanks to the people who reviewed. An anonymous reader suggested that I try making my sentences shorter to add emphasis so I'm trying it and like the way it turned out.  
This is a POV fic so the sentences are kind of fragmented and broken. I think this represents more of an individual thought process. Especially when a person is under a lot of stress. **

**Reviews. I love reviews. Let me know what you guys think about the shorter sentence and thought structure. Should I stick more to my prose like style of the first chapter or the style you are about to read? Let me know.**

**Warning: There is some violence near the end.**

**Now onto the new chapter.

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_The whispers won't stop. They haunt me with every step. I find myself running but I can't escape them, in fact they only grow louder. They make me hate myself._

_Soft shivers plague me. I'm worthless, I always have been. The voices rise in a cacophony of screams. I feel like I'm drowning. Selphie's voice is the only one I can clearly distinguish. She's calling me._

I'm awake. The screams fade to whispers until only Selphie's voice is left. Her wide green eyes, she's scared. Scared for me. I pull my knees to my chest and hide my face.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Do I even have a soul?

"Irvine?" Her soft voice pulls me back and I look up at her. Pain, fear, emptiness, rejection... they are all reflected in her eyes. She must hate me too she just hasn't realized it yet.

She places her tiny hand on my shoulder and I realize as she does so that I'm shaking. Concern is etched in every detail of her face, because of me.

"Why do you stay when all others turn away?" A cryptic question yet I need the answer.

"What do you mean?"

"The whispers Selphie? You shouldn't be around me. They whisper about you as much as they do me." Hyne I can't do this. Her eyes ruin my walls.

"I'll destroy you Selphie." I can deal with being alone. She can't.

"Irvine you're scaring me." A peal of quiet laughter escapes my throat.

"It's the truth." Do I tell her or not?

"You're the only friend I've ever had Selphie." She's staring at me with tears in her eyes. "They hate me you know that right?"

"That's not true."

"Listen when they think you can't hear." I can't look at her anymore. "They will destroy you just like they are destroying me." My voice quiet, no more than a whisper.

"I can make them understand."

"NO." The harshness of my reply startles her. "no." Much softer. "Don't make them hate you."

"They won't hate me, not if I get Squall and the others to back me up." She has such faith, faith I lost a long time ago.

"No you can't." She strains to hear me. "You can't save me Selphie." I move to the edge of the bed and stand. She's lost and there is nothing I can do.

"Why won't you let me help? I care. I mean it." She stands and looks so small. Before I think I lean down and capture he lips. She kisses back and wraps her arms around my neck.

I want to stay like this forever but I can't.

"I love you Selphie. I can't drag you with me." I wipe her tears away. "It's not because I don't love you." I pull her close and bury my face in her hair. "I don't want you to get hurt." The words are barely whispered but I know she hears them.

"I won't." She's trying to be brave but she doesn't understand how bad it will get. She doesn't know how I really got my bruises.

"It will only get worse. I won't risk you Selphie."

"You deserve to be happy too." Hyne does she ever think of herself?

"I'll be happy knowing you are safe." My shoulder is soaked with her tears and I hold her closer.

"You should leave." For a second I think she's going to be stubborn.

Once she's gone I sink to the floor and pull my knees to my chest. They stripped me of my walls, something I thought no one could do.

Self doubt, the ultimate killer.

With a sigh I lift myself off the floor and gather my rifle before heading to the training center. Temporary solace in endless death.

I'm there for hours until I've exhausted the ammo supply I brought with me. My muscles burn as I finally climb out of the tree. My head still aching from the fall and from staring down a rifle sight.

I make it to the exit of the training center. A rare feat considering the number of grats that the garden keeps around. I just want a hot shower and sleep. The exit to the center is so close but suddenly my path is blocked.

Welsom. He's a lot bigger than I am. One of the Garden's best hand to hand fighters besides Zell. Fear churns in my stomach and I try to move around him without a confrontation. No such chance.

He grabs my wrist and before I can react he pulls it behind my back. I can't move or I risk breaking the bones. He moves closer to me and tightens his grip on my arm. A soft hiss of pain escapes my lips but I don't dare move.

"You damn little Galbadian snake." I can feel his warm breath on my ear. "I should break your hand." He means it. Suddenly he lets me go and I stumble away from him. My wrist aching and head buzzing.

Suddenly there are two more guys beside Welsom. Cravvars and Pelton. I remember them from my magical theory class last semester. This isn't good.

"We can't let him leave yet." Cravvars. A pit is forming my stomach and I consider calling Diablos. Despite my dislike of Gfs the two of us connected. He's a loner, one who likes his solitude.

"Yeah." Pelton cracks his knuckles.

I won't beg.

Cravvers and Pelton tackle me. One holding my legs and the other my arms. Welsom just watches me struggle.

Diablo's name rises to my lips but before I can call him a sharp pain stabs through my side and I cry out .

The steel toe of Welsom's boot meets my side again and I arch against my captors as pain erupts through my body. White spots dance across my vision and I silently beg Hyne to let me pass out. No such luck as Welsom kicks me again.

I couldn't call Diablos now if i wanted to, not with my body being wracked by white hot fire. A fourth kick and I'm finally rewarded with the blackness I had been praying for.

I awaken to the sterile smell of the infirmary. Dr. Kadowaki is hovering over me and when she sees that I'm awake she brings a flask of healing potion to my lips. I accept the bitter fluid and almost choke even as it goes to work.

"Care to tell me what happened Mr. Kinneas? Three students brought you in. They said they found you in the training center.

I nod. I'm not going to tell her the truth.

"I've seen every wound the monsters in the training center cause. Those bruises were not inflicted by Grats." I silently curse.

"I let my guard down." I try to sit up but the pain in my abdomen and the Doctor's restraining hand stop me.

"You are staying overnight." On some levels I'm grateful, on others I feel like I'm being treated like a kid. She's firm though and a night here means a night I don't have to worry and I allow the pain killers to lure me to sleep.

Dr. Kadowaki is still in the infirmary when I come around.

"How do you feel?" I run my fingers over my stomach and wince at the pain.

"Better." She glares at me and I stare back.

"I'll let you go but only if you promise to check in if the pain gets worse or you start suffering from anything unusual." I had hoped she would make me stay longer.

She fills a pain prescription for me and I head for my dorm. As I leave she calls to me.

"When you are ready I'll listen." I turn back to her and tip my hat to her. It's my guesture of thanks.

I still have a headache and I want some more sleep.

As I near my dorm I start to feel a little uneasy, like something isn't right. When I reach the door the lock twists in my hand and I can see the damage from where it has been busted.

Dread pools in my chest. I had been given my own room even though I wasn't a SeeD because of the role I played in Ultimacia's defeat. It's obvious someone has been in there.

I steady myself and push the door open to find chaos. The place is absolutely trashed. Everything I had is destroyed. I enter and the door closes behind me.

My clothes and bedding shredded, my extra ammo scattered around the floor.

I know I'm in shock. The pictures that had covered my walls have been ripped down and the walls themselves are covered with anti-Galbadian slurs.

The few possessions I had from Galbadia are destroyed. The worst though is the pictures of my friends. Squall, Selphie, Quisty, Rinoa, Zell all of them torn into pieces I can't rebuild.

It takes me a few minutes to realize that I'm crying. I can't take it anymore and I sink to my knees amongst the chaos. My ribs protest painfully but I ignore them.

My life hangs in tatters and there is nothing I can do to rebuild it. I push myself to my feet in a haze. I don't know what I'm doing as I stumble to my closet and open it. The only thing not ruined is my duffel bag.

A message. My brain running on autopilot as my emotions completely shut down. They want me gone so I'll leave.

I start gathering what I can. The only thing salvageable is my ammunition and some clothes that had been thrown around rather than shredded. It's hardly enough.

I make it to the gate without being seen. Hyne thank you. I'll be saying goodbye forever. Selphie. A pain worse than everything I've been through in the last month rips through me.

/Hyne I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye./

"Please understand." I whisper aloud.

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**Okay, review time. Did you guys like the structure of this new chapter? What about the content? I wasn't too tough on Irvine was I? Review please. **

**Catch you guys when I get the next one written.**


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